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I started these awhile ago, but they should be fairly up to date. I hope, at least. And I really do need to get around to actually posting them on their own.

Fic for 31_days: Do you know what it means to miss you.
Fandom: Bartimaeus Trilogy
Pairing: Nat/Kitty, Kitty/Other
Rating: PG


She's still angry with him. She's seething mad at him for leaving her, for lying to her, for dying on her. He promised her that he would come back, and she foolishly believed his words, believed that he changed.

He hadn't.

Or at least he hadn't in the way that matters. He lied to her, he saved the world, and he sacrificed himself. Everyone else considers him a hero, but she calls him a coward- a coward who lied and ran away from her, a coward who couldn't dare to face her. A coward...she managed to fall in love with, even though it was the last thing she wanted.

Oh God, she loves him. It's painful, a stab in her heart, when she passes his statue, or the holiday comes around each year, the holiday they dedicated to him and the end of the old Ministry and rise of the new Ministry.

Her husband, a lovely man, still has no idea of what role she played that night, and she will never tell him. It's her secret, the one last tie she has with Nathaniel. The one good thing he ever did, the one thing that keeps her going. She has a son now, and she almost named him Nathaniel after the great man she knew, but then she'd have to confront him every day. She'd have to deal with the memory of the man she once loved, and she can't do that.

She has to move on.

But every year, on that special day, she wears the amulet she keeps hidden, and she remembers. She remembers the prat he once was, and the honorable man he became. She remembers the demon that brought them together, and the sacrifices they both made for the world to be free and when she walks past where the Glass Palace used to stand, there's a slight breeze against her cheek. She leans into it, feels it embrace her, feels it kiss her, and she knows that he's there. For that one moment, he's there, holding her in his arms. And things...things don't seem that bad anymore.

For that one moment, she's not angry anymore.